My girlfriend is a FIDGETIER.
I know it. She knows it. We accept it.
It is particularly annoying when you wish to cuddle and she lasts only a little while before the twitches start, usually in the legs or feet, and she has to move. I used to take it personally, but I’ve learned, she just HAS to move, she MUST move, or she’ll implode or something along that line. That would probably be messy. I have learned to accept and look beyond her fidgeting.
However, my sense of humor gets the best of me sometimes and I couldn’t help myself. I saw this little gadget on line somewhere, probably on Facebook, and I thought, that is PERFECT for her. I MUST get THAT. Now, to be fair, I’m a gadget freak, maybe a nerd would sound better? I love gadgets, do-dads, and dust collectors. I think that compensates for her fidgeting, don’t you think? Anyway, back to my story. I ordered this little item here:
I had to order it. It was so PERFECT for my girlfriend. I KNEW she could not POSSIBLY have one. She does not collect things. She does not have useless gadgets lying around (I do, and someday, that may be a bone of contention). She doesn’t have dust-collectors. She’s a minimalist. Why she likes me, I have to say it must be our scintillating conversations and my outrageous sense of humor…yeah, right.
Well, it took well over a month for this Fidget Box, also known as a Gadget Box, also known as a Stress Cube, to arrive from China. (Notice it reads FIDDET CUBE, figure THAT one out). Fortunately, I told her that ‘something’ was coming. I did NOT tell her WHAT.
Today she received the envelope that it came in. She said the oriental writing was so obscure she couldn’t have sent it back if she wanted to. I laughed. Then she told me when she opened it, it did not have instructions. I laughed so hard, I cried. She said she was looking for a USB port to plug it in. She flipped the switch, she pushed the buttons, she rolled the ball, flipped the dial, and as she is telling me all this I’m only laughing harder, and HARDER! I finally explained, it didn’t NEED instructions. It did EXACTLY what it was supposed to do. It made her fidget, it made her think, it had her concentrate on it as she tried to figure out WHAT it DID!
I haven’t laughed that hard in ages, and, fortunately, she got my humor in this case. She too joined in as she told me her trials and tribulations in trying to figure it out. It only made it funnier to me. Then I remembered that old joke, how to keep an idiot entertained:
My girlfriend is not an idiot, she is one of the most intelligent women I have ever met, but I did tell her the joke and we both laughed as it hit the funny bone in this whole story.
Meanwhile, it now sits in a place of honor on her desk, waiting for her to fidget with it, and, I hope, provide her with inane and random laughter as she thinks over this conversation and plays with it.
If you’ve enjoyed this little story, please check out my books…somewhere in them is a little bit of me…and my humors…
We went out to Karaoke (no, I do not sing) at a gay bar downtown and Karen Badger, her wife Bliss, Liz Hodge, Robyn Lynn, Velvet Lounger, and Elizabeth (sorry don’t recall your last name) all went. Judy Comella arranged it but the van was a little crowded and I ended up with her on my lap, a hilarious moment as you can see.
You can’t beat watching some wonderful talent and I have to say, everyone ELSE could sing, I could NOT…oh well, I can enjoy THEIR talents and the atmosphere at FREDDIE’s!
Stay tuned, the final blog on the conference is coming. Watch for it! Meanwhile, enjoy some reads over at my website:
For those of you who actually READ my blog…Before the book is available EVERYWHERE you can download it directly from my website (E-Pub and Mobi) by clicking on this cover:
“So these guys are lugging in my supplies by their backs and on donkeys, and I didn’t realize why I was tied up to the donkey. You know, led by a rope?” Deanna was regaling them with stories of her travels and they all smiled appreciatively at her description. “It was as I slipped off the narrow trail, face first into the mud, and started sliding down the steep slope, hitting tropical plants with my unmentionables that I realized…that rope that kept me from falling down the mountainside. That was a good idea!”
They all started laughing, nearly choking on the beers they were sharing. “Oh, my gawd, Deanna! Did that really happen?” Magda wiped the tears away from the corner of her eye as she smiled at the story.
Deanna nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been to some pretty funky places. But, you know what? It’s one of the greatest things about what I do, seeing the sites. When they hauled my ass back up from that taut rope, I looked at that donkey and the phrase ‘kiss my ass’ had a whole new meaning.”
They all collapsed into laughter again at her imagery.
COMING SOON! www.kannemeinel.com
I get Dear Abby to my mailbox everyday…today I read this and I thought I would share it on my blog to help others who might be able to participate in this, please SHARE ~ K’Anne
Psychiatrists Reach Out to Gather Information on LGBT Experience– March 31, 2016 –
DEAR READERS: A group of distinguished psychiatrists, the Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry (GAP), needs help from some of you. They need feedback from gay, bisexual or transgender people, many of whom have experienced conflicts with their faith because of who they are attracted to or their gender identity. Many, while attempting “conversion” treatment, experienced great emotional distress, but never considered consulting a mental health professional because they had been discouraged from doing so by their faith community. Knowing the struggles you have experienced could benefit individuals who need help and haven’t gotten it. Your input is important. It will give GAP psychiatrists a broader representation of people than they could get from any other source.
Thank you in advance for taking part in this important study. The Internet address to send your comments is email@example.com. For those who don’t have email access, GAP’s mailing address is: P.O. Box 570218, Dallas, TX 75357-0218. In the past, readers have been generous in “telling it like it is,” and I hope you will continue because your experiences are important. Your participation may help to effect positive changes in the treatment of patients. — LOVE, ABBY
I encourage each and every author I know, even the reviews, fans, and followers to write to Jeff@amazon.com a similar letter:
Chief Executive Officer
Dear Mr. Bezos,
I want to thank you for providing such a platform as KDP Publishing and Create Space for authors to self-publish as well as small publishing houses to use print on demand and e-books.
Recently it has come to my attention how harsh the culling of reviews has become. When we, as self-published authors or small publishing houses complain about a review that may have been a little harsh, or the book unread, or someone buys it and returns it in a few hours when they have read the whole thing, we are frequently ignored. When we have faithful followers we will now be punished because you look at our social media friends list, our faithful followers, and decide that these reviews are not earned and remove them.
Personally, I have 4600 followers on Facebook alone. I have another 19,500 on Twitter. I also have 25,200 on my blog. I couldn’t POSSIBLY know EACH and EVERY one of these people. I’m just grateful that the hard work I have put into promoting myself as an author is paying off in the form of faithful readers who help support me by reading my Novels, Novellas, and Short Stories. To find out that their continued support in the form of recommending my books via a review may be stopped is a little alarming. Yes, any system can be abused, we see it every day in the form of those giving bad reviews because they don’t like an author, but if we report it, it can be and frequently is ignored. Not every book or story I write is going to appeal to every reader, that’s the great thing about it though, variety. If I deserve a bad review, I should take it, but if my fans choose to leave me a good one their integrity is questioned?
Yes, some of these fans have become ‘friends’ over the years of my publishing endeavors, but they started as fans, they read my works and the works of my authors, and I encourage everyone to leave a review whenever possible. Now, because they are on my ‘lists’ they may be suspect?
I am also a small publisher, I encourage and in fact teach my authors to promote themselves through social media in the form of blogs, Twitter, Google+, Facebook, and any other social media platform that may help them sell a book. Finding readers is easy, keeping them is hard…and when they show that they are faithful fans their reviews are helpful. So a practice whereby your people, your algorithm’s ‘decide’ which reviews stay and which go may not be as good an idea as you might think.
I have to question if this happening to the truly big sellers of books? Do the Danielle Steel fans get monitored for this? How about Johanna Lindsey? Even dead authors like Louis La’Mour or Beatrice Small, are their reviews being monitored? Or are you only targeting newer authors, smaller authors and presses? They couldn’t possibly ‘know’ the millions who follow them, how could I know the tens of thousands who follow me?
I also have another question for you? Is it true it takes 25 or 50 ‘reviews’ before Amazon will ‘promote’ a book in the same genre? If so, then are you watching as 25 or 50 reviews appear instantly on some author’s new releases to make them best sellers? Isn’t this suspicious? When only 1-2 appear at a time you now are suspicious of those? You wish to take away those from these authors?
I, personally, find it a little creepy that now our social media platforms are being ‘watched’ by the giant Amazon to see if we are ‘friends’ with our ‘reviewers’ so that these reviews can be flagged and taken away. How ‘big brother’ of you. Don’t you think there are more important issues to worry about such as the theft of someone’s intellectual work in the form of torrent sites, the targeting of some authors in the form of trolls, or simply, good customer service?
I personally hope that these rumors about these review practices are simply that, rumors and that it won’t happen large scale as it is being stated. It’s a sad day when we can’t even trust that the company we place our works of art in the hands of is now second guessing things, watching out ‘for us’ in a way that is very invasive.
Amazon is a huge company, I understand that. I personally spend hundreds of dollars at your site every year and love its convenience. It scares me though as a writer and publisher that the dollars we count on to earn at your site may be in jeopardy because of some practices that are too intrusive. Please rethink this policy.
K’Anne Meinel, Author
K’Anne Meinel, Publisher of Shadoe Publishing