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A few years ago, The L Word came up with a fantastic episode where they began to discuss alternate words for THE VAGINA! See it here:
Well, I don’t know WHERE I came up with THIS list, I’m sure Google helped enormously, but I can’t tell you where it all came from, what site it came from, or, who to ‘thank.’ I would if I could. I’ve had it in a file on my computers for years. I thought it might help in my writing. Btw, I did not alter any of these words/phrases. As you can see by the list, it had to have had plenty of ‘male’ help. No offense to my male readers, but some of the names on the list are downright offensive to this WOMAN, and as a LESBIAN I find some of them equally disgusting if not more so. I will admit to not understanding SOME of them, because, well, read them and see why. I will also admit to the occasional blush.
But, a conversation arose on Facebook the other day and it was about certain words that are used in Lesbian Fiction. I thought, write a blog about words that some couldn’t handle IN THEIR FACE (Gettit? Lesbian’s, and in your face? I’m so punny). 
I mean, there is only so many ways you can describe some things, but some of the ways some writers have chosen to go about is downright hilarious. I am not making fun of anyone in particular, I am sure some of my ‘alternates’ have been funny to some, but come on people…don’t you have beta readers or editors who stopped you, or, at least, brought it your attention?
So, here is my gift to you my readers, followers, and other authors, in no particular order, ALTERNATE WORDS and phrases to the word VAGINA! Have at it and enjoy the hilarity. Comments are welcome, more alternative words and phrases will be welcome, and have a (pardon the pun) ball 
reading this, I know I did! Please reference the ‘helpful’ numbers I put in there for the words when talking about said ALTERNATE WORD. Also note that I had to ‘update’ my dictionary for ‘some’ of these words, rolling my eyes here…poor spell-check.
- Pussy
- Vag-gi-gi or Vag-ji-ji or Vag-jay-jay
- bearded clam
- vertical smile
- beaver
- trim
- hair pie
- bearded ax wound
- tuna taco
- fur burger
- cooch
- cooter
- punani
- snatch
- twat
- lovebox
- box
- poontang
- cookie
- hole
- love canal
- flower
- nana
- pink taco
- cat
- catcher’s mitt
- muff
- roast beef curtains
- the cum dump
- chocha
- black hole
- sperm sucker
- fish sandwich
- warmer
- whisker biscuit
- carpet
- love hole
- deep socket
- cum craver
- squeezer
- slice of heaven
- flesh cavern
- the great divide
- cherry
- tongue depressor
- clit slit
- hatchet wound
- honey pot
- quim
- meat massager
- chacha
- stinkhole
- black hole of calcutta
- socket
- pink taco
- bottomless pit
- dead clam
- cum crack
- twat
- rattlesnake canyon
- bush
- cunny
- flaps
- fuzz box
- fuzzy wuzzy
- gash
- glory hole
- grumble
- man in the boat
- mud flaps
- mound
- peach
- pink
- piss flaps
- the fish flap
- love rug
- vadge
- the furry cup
- stench-trench
- wizard’s sleeve
- DNA dumpster
- tuna town
- split dick
- bikini bizkit
- holster
- cockpit
- snooch
- kitty kat
- poody tat
- grassy knoll
- cold cut combo
- Jewel box
- rosebud
- curly curtains
- furry furnace
- slop hole
- velcro love triangle
- nether lips
- where Uncle’s doodle goes
- altar of love
- cupid’s cupboard
- bird’s nest
- bucket
- cock-chafer
- love glove
- serpent socket
- spunk-pot
- hairy doughnut
- fun hatch
- spasm chasm
- red lane
- stinky speedway
- bacon hole
- belly entrance
- nookie
- sugar basin
- sweet briar
- breakfast of champions
- wookie
- fish mitten
- hump hole
- pink circle
- silk igloo
- scrambled eggs between the legs
- black oak
- Republic of Labia
- juice box
- Golden Palace
- fetus flaps
- skins
- sausage wallet
- Holiest of Holies
- sugar hole
- The Death of Adam
- home plate
- Deer Hoof
- Golden Arches
- Cats Paw
- Mule Nose
- Yo Yo Smuggler
- Mumbler (Aussie)
- Dinner Roll
- Crotch Waffle
- Piss Fenders
- crack Melvin
- Dove Breast
- Brakepads
- Vedgie
- Slurpy
- Vacuum Vulva
- Pastrami Flaps
- Hot Tamaki Walk
- Buffalo Gums
- Rooster Jaws
- Wagon Ruts
- Beaver Teeth
- Mumble Pants (Sweden)
- Ninja Boot
- Marcia (Aussie)
- Skin Canoe
- Fatty
- Mossy Jaw
- The Big W
- Chia Hole
- Lip Jeans
- Beetle Hood
- Hungry Minge
- Sausage Wallet
- Front Bottom
- Welly Top
- Frum
- Pancake Fold
- Tongue Roll
- Bologna Flap-Over
- Furrogi (Poland)
- Fortune Nookie (China)
- Bearded Taco
- Calamari Cockring
- Displabia
- Slot Pocket
- Bluntfrunt
- Fishamjig
- Pole Magnet
- Pocket Pie
- Clamarama
- kitty cage
- Chicken’s tongue
- Conch shell
- Crack of heaven
- Dog’s mouth
- Door of life
- Fly catcher
- Fruit cup
- Jelly roll
- Lobster pot
- bunny tuft
- knish
- her neighbor
- lotus
- nappy dugout
- moneymaker
- womens weapon
- tackle box
- bone hider
- red sea
- pizzo
- Jizz receptacle
- The Helmut Hide-A-Way
- hairy heaven
- furry 8 ball rack
- crave cave
- arbys with fur
- fish canyon
- toolshed
- snake charmer
- Furby
- Enchilada of love
- Ham sandwich
- Camarillo brillo
- Brazilian caterpillar
- dick rack boy in the canoe
- flesh tuxedo
- Mound of Venus
- queef quarters
- Venus butterfly
- cooter
- cream canal
- poontang pie
- wet mark
- private area
- thresher
- punash
- salami garage
- tunnel of love
- slurpee machine
- pink cookie
- penalty box
- ground zero
- meat crease
- bait
- birth canal
- holy grail
- pole hole
- pork pie
- fuzz bucket
- one-eyed python trail
- bubble gum by the bum
- stink rink
- theme park
- saloon doors
- pink truffle
- bitter & twisted
- burger bar
- meat counter
- temperamental ring piece
- python syphon
- big bud
- the Wombsday Book
- the condo downstate
- snake lake
- the indoor barbecue
- pound cake
- beef tomato
- tickled pink
- launch pad
- horn of plenty
- the indoor picnic
- hamper of goodies
- flapped bap
- bonefish
- close encounter with the turd kind
- sperm bank
- man’s charity bash
- bush tucker midnight dip
- the one-door vulva
- the welcome opponent
- the Twatlantic Ocean
- temporary lodgings
- field of dreams
- bean
- cooze
- old catchers mitt
- devil’s hole
- lucy
- pish buffet
- pooswaa
- poonaner
- davey jones locker
- pink panther
- tinker bell
- south mouth
- dick eater
- wonder bread
- wolly bolly
- foxhole
- hot pocket
- head catcher
- Lawrence of A Labia
- silk funnel
- dick driver
- purple people penis eater
- meat curtains
- ponchita
- cherry pop tart
- fat rabbit
- s
- pee jaws
- mingus
- The Notorious V.A.G.
- stench trench
- poon jab
- nappy dugout
- babyoven
- penis parking
- cooter muffin
- the promised land
- cha cha
- the shrine
- bitch ditch
- fury pink mink
- mammal hole
- ever-lasting cum stopper
- the toothless blow job
- happy flappy
- wilt chamberlian’s daily glove
- the code defier
- the salt water taffy factory
- mommy’s pie
- the easy bake oven
- the deflower patch
- the virginator
- the schlong sucker
- the dea bone patch
- the vegetarian’s temptation
- the vegan store
- the blow hole
- the pump protector
- bag pipe
- Spitball Bullseye
- meat wagon
- pickle stinker
- jezebel’s smell
- yoni
- willys haven
- scrumpter peach
- sweat box
- yeast pocket
- penis warmer
- tampon tunnel
- penis pothole
- cucumber canal
- egg drop Box
- sperm shack
- dick dungeon
- curator
- b.o.b.’s bungalow
- mommy parts
- tuna pot pie
- nice slice
- peter vise
- sock
- rack of clam
- peters grove
- penis purse
- grandest canyon
- fish dish
- banana box
- tuna spread
- pink portal
- count fapula
- red river gorge
- happy valley
- revolving in/out door
- baby zipper
- richards house
- stop-n-pop
- bone polisher
- packin’ shack
- wiener wrap
- clap trap
- camel toe
- dildo hotel
- axe gash
- pearl hotel
- sea food six pack
- clam canal
- coose canal
- dick deposit
- wand waxer
- vidgie
- erie canal
- candy kiss
- gauntlet
- round mound of beehound
- lick n’ stick
- lap flounder
- tomahawk chop
- chin-chin
- pachinko
- ry pie
- lip tip
- the big casino
- one eyed worm hole
- amazon forest
- cave
- donut
- coochie pop
- babby
- wet seal
- pissy froth hole
- bald biscuit
- the unmentionable
- man’s ruin
- peeshie
- hairy potter
- courtney cocksleeve
- panty hamster
- deep pink
- jaws of life
- gizmo
- faith
- magnet
- slippery slide
- Meat tunnel
- pink heaven
- squid
- dick basket
- hot spot
- poochika
- pudding
- bowl
- love cave
- squeeze-box
- quim
- honey pot
- the bone collector
- goodie basket
- depository
- pink turtleneck
- bread-box
- little debbie
- pole hole
- pandora’s box
- snail tracker
- zilla
- homebase
- pud pocket
- bear trap
- indiana bones and the temple of poon
- chanch
- big montana
- noochie
- choot
- golden valley
- nappy roots
- dick mitten
- mystical fold
And, for those who prefer the technical terms for the Vagina, make sure you are anatomically correct in your phrases, because sometimes, it’s equally hilarious when you don’t realize where things just might be, ya know?
Your Welcome.
Oh, and if you are reading this and are not a follower, WELCOME. Please SHARE my posts to your own followers, your own friends, etc. Be social, it’s all about social media, right? You can sign up for my blog down in the lower right of this blog with the + sign or up in the left-hand side too. Click on the other titles of my blog so you can see it’s not all about the vagina but actually, books, and maybe a little bit more…
Also, for all of you, read some of my latest at www.kannemeinel.com!
You can find all your purchasing options, ebook, paperback, epub, mobi, pdf 
came out have I seen the response I have gotten for a release of one of my books. DOCTORED was conceived almost immediately following the release and response of LAWYERED. That was nearly two years ago (July). Today I got to #6 on Amazon, no, that wasn’t the goal, although getting to #1 would be nice too. It was in sales that I am talking about. You see, my followers, fans, and readers support my work in a way that I can really be proud of. DOCTORED is well on its way to being my best-selling novel ever. In fact, by the time this blog goes public, it should have exceeded expectations.
Yes, they do surprise the author sometimes too. You can write yourself into a corner and only the character can get you out. Sometimes, they let you sit there for a while. Some call it writer’s block. I call it a challenge. This book in particular, fans and friends were asking about for a while since I’d been talking a lot about it…I told them that the bitch of a character wasn’t letting me write her! Eventually they came together and ‘allowed’ me to release them onto the pages of my book.
I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have such supportive people who help me to create these works. It all takes a lot of time and effort. I do hope you enjoy the coming attractions. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for showing your love and support by buying my creations.
