What to expect when you’re not expecting…

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Get your attention?  Well, it’s an impossibility that at the esteemed age of fifty that I would be expecting.  Also, I happen to be a lesbian and unless my girlfriend wants to do some heavy explaining about how this could possibly happen, I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna worry about it in the least.  Also, my ‘baby’ is 27 and I’m pretty sure this baby fat I’m trying to lose, isn’t gonna go away at this point…

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Explaining this to doctors and nurses whose duty it is to ask the question, “Could you possibly be pregnant?” always elicits the humor inside me as I make them squirm.  I do point out the age factor (which, as the National Enquirer and other tabloids will tell you, IS possible.  Also, my doctor has told me about fifty-year-old’s who have had happy accidents at this point in their life.)  I hope to never have to worry about that.  The lesbian factor alone assures me that my birth-control methods should be safe, lol.  Plus, the fact that I’ve chemo and radiation should assure me that I’m sterile, but they did warn that the body is a wondrous healing organism and the forced menopause I went through in my thirties, fighting cancer, wasn’t enough.  In my forties, I went and had an ablation for the return of my period and the doctor KEPT warning me I could STILL get pregnant.  It actually angered me as I had told her of my lesbian status.  Instead, she kept harping on not only the fact that I could get pregnant, but that I could become pregnant when (not if) I was sexually assaulted (nice phrasing for RAPE~!).  To shut her up, I finally asked, ‘Do I have THAT to look forward to?”  It made her uncomfortable enough that she stopped harping on it and finally agreed to the procedure.  I’m still rolling my eyes on that.

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The thing is, when you expect things, and the unexpected happens…which, is life…you can either learn to roll with the punches or fight against it.  I find it an adventure to see what’s about to happen next.  My books do that for me, I never know initially where they are going to take me or what they are going to say and do as my characters take over and I write avidly to find out.  I too am a reader, I can’t wait to see what they are going to do or say.

Fortunately for me, my characters talk a lot, in fact, I’m seriously considering writing a VETTED II as there are a lot of things that can still happen to these two, including, the subject of this blog, expecting.  So, expect some more from this exciting new adventure…

If you get a chance, check out my current offering:

Vetted Final Cover

And, look for this one, later this fall:

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Cooking for One

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Eating alone is not fun.  I frequently post on social media about my cooking mistakes and catastrophe’s.  I used to do it in the hope that some femme would take pity on me and I’d end up with a girlfriend who not only cooks, but would take care of me.

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Fortunately for me, my girlfriend not only cooks but bakes, and enjoys doing so.  She even sends care packages that allows me to share in her baking endeavors.  I have yet to eat one of her prepared meals I hear about, but, someday, I know I will.  She is caring and loving and I know the same will go into her meals.

Those who think I can’t cook don’t realize it isn’t that I can’t, it’s that I won’t.  There is a distinct difference.  Cooking, when I do it, is terrible when there is only you, or your pets, to appreciate it.  As I no longer have pets, it’s even more lonely.  I actually can cook and do so with gusto when I have the urge.  I usually make too much and then end up with massive leftovers that I eat for days.  Another bad side-effect because you actually get SICK of whatever you prepare.  I try to freeze the meals into convenient one-meal sized containers.  Last fall I even bought a second set in order to make enough to last me.  It really did too, the meals lasted more than a month.

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I have yet to prepare a meal for my girlfriend as the opportunity hasn’t arisen.  I do think of the meals I could prepare because she is a vegetarian and I, am not.  It should prove to be quite the challenge.  We shall see how that works out.  She never slips.  She’s healthy and slim and very dedicated to her life style…at least for a dozen or more years!  Now that’s dedication!

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I write in some of my books about the meals, I actually research these things, not eating the meals themselves too often, but enough that it makes it feel real.  Many times as I’m writing it I find myself hungry.  It really is hard not to snack instead of eating a complete meal.  I frequently find myself eating smaller meals and more often, they tell me that is healthier anyway…right.

If you get a chance, check out my latest offering, cooking is a challenge for one of the characters and I can relate…

Unexpectedly Funny

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I think I’m funny, I certainly hope I am.  My family, and girlfriend, frequently tell me I’m not…but, that’s to keep me from becoming too big-headed, right?  Actually, I joke a lot, kid, and am sarcastically funny.  It’s inherited.  My mother was funny and I watched my older brothers being hilarious.  To survive, you had to develop a thicker skin and be able to sling the quips back with equal if not better smackdowns.  There is a fine line between being sarcastic and being insulting.  As a child, you frequently go over that line and get yelled at for it.  The phrase, “I was ‘just kidding’, is a familiar one, as you learn that delicate balance.

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I think of humor as a coping mechanism.  I used to be a lot more quick-witted and before I got chemo-brain I had the comebacks down to an art.  I used to think I was as quick as Robin Williams.  That man was brilliant in how he would go off on a tangent based on something someone said.  I loved his ability to make something out of nothing and it was always funny.  I could do that, then.  I see it now in my son and wish I could have the snappy comebacks I once did.   I genuinely have humor-envy when those boys of mine get on a roll.  I do appreciate it.

My girlfriend tells me I’m funny in my own mind, which makes us both laugh when she says it.  Her humor is quite different than mine.  I don’t know if it’s because she’s a New Englander and I from the Midwest, but the cultural differences between us, the things we find out that are very different, are quite humorous.

When I am writing my books, I never set out to be deliberately funny, I’m fortunate that it comes out at the right time, or, at least, I hope it does.  I remember when I wrote Doctored, I thought of some really funny incidents that my character could tell about and used them.

“So these guys are lugging in my supplies on their backs and on donkeys, and I didn’t realize why I was tied up to the donkey.  You know, led by a rope?”  Deanna was regaling them with stories of her travels and they all smiled appreciatively at her description.  “It was as I slipped off the narrow trail face first into the mud and started sliding down the steep slope, hitting tropical plants with my unmentionables, that I realized…that rope that kept me from falling down the mountainside.  That was a good idea!”

They all started laughing, nearly choking on the beers they were sharing.  “Oh, my gawd, Deanna!  Did that really happen?” Magda wiped the tears away from the corner of her eye as she smiled at the story.

Deanna nodded.  “Yeah, I’ve been to some pretty funky places.  But you know what?  It’s one of the greatest things about what I do, seeing the sights.  When they hauled my ass back up with that taut rope, I looked at that donkey and the phrase ‘kiss my ass’ had a whole new meaning.”

They all collapsed into laughter again at her imagery.

I am told that my current release is amusing, loving, and dramatic.  I hope so.  The amusing part is a surprise because I didn’t set out to do that at all, but when I hear from fans that the book made them laugh out loud (LOL), it pleases me no end…even unintentional humor I’m all for.CaptureIf you get a chance, I’d love to hear your opinion on my efforts at writing, and, apparently humor.

Check out Vetted here:

Vetted Final Cover

And, if you enjoy it, check out Doctored here:

Doctored

 

 

I HEART LESFIC

The prolific K’Anne Meinel is here today. Woot! She’s offering free copies of Vetted, her latest release. One winner will be selected by I Heart Lesfic. To enter the giveaway hosted by I Heart Lesfic, scroll to the bottom of this post for details. There will be two additional winners, but you have to act […]

via Guest Post: Why Write Lesfic by K’Anne Meinel — I Heart Lesfic

I lost my READING SKILLS

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I’ve lost my reading skills.  You might say WHAT?  How is that possible?  You’ve written how MANY books and published HOW MANY books and you’ve lost said skills?  Well, I have a theory…

I write because I enjoy it, my creative mind takes over and I can write, and write, and write.  Yes, I re-read it to check for story line errors, add things, tweak things, and to keep within the story itself…but I don’t READ to ENJOY it.10401992_10153118816006291_3651151688037072011_n

I READ my authors books, which I DO enjoy or I wouldn’t be publishing them…in fact, I have a confession, I’ve gone back to reread their stories from time to time because, I have my favorites…shhhh.

However, I realized after all the hard work of writing and publishing, I haven’t just read for MY enjoyment in a LONG time.  I lost my reading skills.2277838

I have a lot of author friends, some of who have been kind enough to send me copies of their books (thank you by the way, it IS appreciated).  freeHowever, I don’t think I’ve had the TIME to read them because I do work, and work HARD at my own stuff.

My girlfriend is an author and a lovely woman (she paid me to say that, NOT).  I took a wee bit TOO long to read her first offering to the public.  I was BUSY.  It caused hurt feelings, and, each time I was asked, I felt a stubborn resistance to even FIND the time.  Believe me, I FOUND the TIME.

That’s just it…TIME.  262a008a1093ae08fb758bbb904e8053Apparently, I do a lot of work that people aren’t aware of.  They SEE me on social media ‘playing’ and don’t realize I’m posting in groups (thanks for Facebook Jail BTW), promoting, chatting with authors and sometimes even socializing with friends.  Sometimes it’s just up in the background so people can get a hold of me if they need to.  They just see me ON there ALL the time and assume…well, stop doing THAT.

I actually do read, A LOT!  I really enjoy doing research, watching biographies, documentaries, and movies on a subject…but that is ‘work.’  Fortunately, I enjoy my work.76bef9f0c38dd2bb2778c2ebd4faff13--hate-cats-reading-library

Yesterday, after finishing up one of my author’s books, formatting it, and sending it off to the beta readers, I read for FOUR glorious hours from one of ‘the other’ authors that I have collected for thirty years.  r2-1-e1466127938360 She died two years ago, but her stories will live on gloriously.  The really cool thing about it, although I’ve read her books numerous times, I didn’t remember everything so it was like reading it for the FIRST time, and yet, not.  Her books have a familiar feel and the stories are just marvelous.  When I grow up, I want to be just like her…images

So, I realized…I haven’t been reading just for PLEASURE in a LONG time and I need these little breaks…they help inspire me, make me work so that I can get back to my GUILTY PLEASURES (stop, you dirty minded readers, you), which has always been, READING.images (1)  Fortunately, I have many bookshelves full of potential targets that have nothing to do with my ‘work,’ but have everything to do with reading…reading-meme

I’ll let you know if I find my reading skills…I know I left them around here SOMEWHERE….Rainbow Feather www.kannemeinel.com READ

Luggage

Thirty odd years ago (yeah, I can’t believe I can say that either) my mother bought me a luggage set as a birthday/graduation/xmas present.  It was pretty expensive then (especially for my mom) and I have to say I have gotten a lot of use out of it.  For roughly $100-$150 I got a complete Samsonite set.

20170702_203051_Burst01.jpgAnd, after 30 some years of traveling (I lived out of them for a couple of years) they really have stood the test of time.

What happened to the days where you bought something and knew it would last?  Remember the days where Samsonite had those commercials where chimpanzee’s, monkey’s, and apes threw the cases around?  They really did/do last.  Okay, it was American Tourister (do they still exist?) but, you get my drift…

I’m sad to say that other cases I’ve added have never lasted as long.  This set, pictured above is still going fairly strong.  I have one or two pieces I never use anymore (makeup case) and I’ve learned to downsize, but the same basic three pieces are still alive.  I’ve lost the pull strap for the big one which still has working wheels, you can see wear and tear on the edges, and today I found a hole through one of them as I pack for the GCLS con in Chicago.  Still, quality LASTS.  So does a GOOD story.  It stick’s with you for a LONG time, even after the book has become frayed and worn away.

We are living in a time where people dispose of their possessions far too easily.  A book, a story that sticks with you, makes you want to read over and over again, is priceless.  So take a moment and think over those you have enjoyed.  Check out mine if you haven’t, and if you have, please leave a review….you never know who you might influence and they can have the same enjoyment of the story that you had.

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If you are at GCLS this next week, please say hello to me.  If I look a bit confused it’s because I have the memory of a goldfish and while your name might ring a bell, the bell’s clapper may have been muffled…Facebook friends and others have a tendency to make me look as though I don’t remember anyone, but I do, and I have a long memory for the oddest things…so take a chance and give me a hug (I really don’t bite (despite the fangs)…hard), talk to me, and ask me for a lesbian membership card!  Lol!   Who knows when/where we will meet again!  See you all there!

Sew, so what?

Did you know I can sew?  Yeah, not one of my better accomplishments but in a pinch I can do it.  My father, a misogynist and sexist boor gave me a sewing kit similar to this one master-SMR010 for my graduation from high school gift…and, I think because it was free on his credit card statement (remember when they used to do that to entice you to spend MORE money) and also, because it didn’t arrive in time to give it to my SISTER for Xmas.  My sister is definitely more domesticated than I.  Mine is beige and has lots more room for spools of thread on it than the one shown here.  I’ve rarely had to replace any of those spools that came with it, because there was so much!  And, although it really was one of those HUH moments of why someone would give you such a thing, I have kept it for the last 30 plus years.  Used it, and slowly added to it.  Grandma, a champion sewer, had a beautiful sewing basket that I have kept out of nostalgia and I added her shears and some of the other things from it to mine, after all, needles and safety pins never fade away in their apparent value.

Today I had to sew up a few things in preparation for the conference and resultant travel.  How is it everything needs repairing all at once?  Well, I procrastinate until I have no choice and do it all at once.  I’m pretty good, I have to say, despite never having made my own clothes and only repairs over the years.  My sister-in-law made her wedding dress, which was absolutely gorgeous as well some horrible maids dresses (I know, I had to wear one).

I only got two-three pin pricks, because, apparently I can’t see as well as I once did.  I use a thingy I have no idea what it is called, that helps me thread the needle, if I can see the eye of the needle to stick it through.  Okay, I’ll admit, I want to know what this thingy is called now…it has a narrow metal crossed band that you put the thread in and pull it through the needle, effectively threading the needle.  Anyone know what it’s official name is?

Funniest darn thing happened though, I sewed a button on a shirt, on the INSIDE accidentally, and tight too.  Trying to get that thing back off was frustrating, but I had done a good job.  I laughed at that one, but now it’s all sewed on good and tight, and on the correct side.

So, as my skills at domesticity surprise you all (me too) and my eyesight fails, I want to remind you to READ while you CAN and while you are at it…check out my books at:

Rainbow Feather www.kannemeinel.com READ