Sad, but determined

Yesterday I came ‘out’ about being behind the Lesfic Bard Awards, as the owner.  There was a lot of hype on social media about it, it’s still going on.  Unfortunately, the people I hired have been attacked, one in particular, for trying to defend my company that they were posting about.  They weren’t really in a position to do so as we had only chatted on Facebook about her doing the posting for me, she had limited information, and had checked out what I had given her.  She even parroted some of our conversations in defense of me and my company.  It’s sad really as she has been blocked on Facebook for posting too much in groups, in other words, Facebook Jail.  She doesn’t deserve those who made fun of her for doing her job.

It’s a sad commentary really as I saw the posts go up, not only berating the woman I hired to do a job of posting, but the comments that resulted even after I came clean and owned up to hiring her.

I don’t understand why some feel the need to be so vicious in their criticism of what I have tried to accomplish and why they turned it into a personal attack.  This isn’t high school or even grade school where you can say and do what you think you want to.  It’s called being an adult.  Some of the behaviors I have seen in the last twenty-four hours are downright juvenile.  It is very sad.  I won’t out them as I have been.  I won’t shame them as they are attempting to do.  Fortunately, I realize, it says a lot more about them than what they are saying about me.  It also says something about those that allow such posts on their timelines.  They know nothing about my values, my ideals, or my integrity.

I put forth a lot of effort into this awards site.  You can see that if you bother to click on the link and peruse it.  Is it perfect?  No, far from it.  Just an FYI for all those out there, I’m not perfect either.  This is a work in progress, and so am I.  With hundreds of people out there viewing it there are going to be hundreds of opinions on how it should go, what they might do ‘better’, etc.

Putting myself out there is hard enough with my books, my creativity, my publishing, and so on.  I get that there are armchair warriors who will continue to try to pull me down, what I am attempting here, and what I have accomplished.  Who am I really hurting here?

I have for years put myself out there to interview lesbian authors in the Lesfic Reading Group, promoting them, their books to readers and other authors.  I did this before in another group as well.  I was inspired by Jaynes Penney and a group she once had that did the interviews.  I have always tried to get the lesfic community exposure and continue to promote it.  Those of you who know me, know I always try to live up to what I promise to do, I do a good job.  I will do that again for the Lesfic Bard Awards.  At this time, I only have tentative ideas about how to market the authors and their books once they have won (suggestions welcome), but the monies that will be paid to enter these awards will be put towards the award itself, the marketing and publicity, and maybe, if I am lucky, I will make a little…not a lot, as lesbian fiction does not make a lot of money.  Maybe, together we can change that.

Instead of tearing down someone trying to make a difference, and that is what I’m trying to do here, maybe you should embrace it, support it, and promote it.  Anyone who has met me at the various functions over the years knows I am what I seem.  I’ve always tried to be open and honest and helpful.  Those of you who have experienced that, can certainly vouch for me.  Those of you who instead are trying to make it look like I’m trying some scheme here to defraud lesbians of their hard-earned money can kiss me where the sun don’t shine, because I did nothing wrong.  I made mistakes, we all do, and where are you in trying something like this?  Do you even bother to attempt such?  Do you put yourself out there either in writing a book, publishing, or in this case creating an opportunity for others to showcase theirs?  I challenge you nay-sayers to making a difference, do something better, create your own site to showcase lesbian literature and their authors.  Really, what crime am I guilty of in this ‘lets attack K’Anne’ thing that you are doing?  It’s easy to sit in your armchair and criticize those who are doing something, especially when you are doing nothing and will never do anything.

I have accepted no monies at this time, as the applications for authors isn’t even completely up.  I simply hired someone to post that we are looking for judges, and this only after the website was up.  Yes, I wanted to remain anonymous, let my friends be the front as it were, however since this was turning into such a drama, I felt coming clean was the only thing I could do.  I’d still like to remain anonymous, but since that isn’t possible, all I can say is yes, I made a mistake and should have been forthcoming from the first, in hindsight of course that makes sense.  I wanted to remain anonymous so that no one who already knew me would prejudge the awards or form an opinion about how they are managed (good or bad.)

I will never apologize for making this website or the idea behind it.  It’s a great idea, the judging I feel is perfect for what we want to accomplish here.  No, it’s not a non-profit, I do after all have a lot of work, time, and money invested in this already…  Maybe, after everything is paid for (award, marketing, website, etc) I’ll break even.  Let’s celebrate another opportunity to get lesbian fiction out there and good work awarded, fairly and honestly.

Just so you all know, I am still planning on going forth with this idea, the website, and the awards.  I won’t let the negativity I’m seeing, stop me.  I’m grateful for those who have reached out to encourage me, their positive response has been more visible to me than the negativity.  I’m not the only one who feels the triple-blind judging is brilliant.  Those who will criticize, hate, whatever, lets see what you have accomplished so that you have the right to do so.  You aren’t going to stop me so you might as well ignore me.  Also, you can kiss me where the sun don’t shine because I’m not here to defend myself, my businesses, or anything to those people…I did however, feel the need to vent, and have done so.  That’s the end of that story as I see it.

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4 thoughts on “Sad, but determined

  1. Jenna says:

    Congratulations for standing up and trying to make a difference. I had not seen or heard about the negativity, and bullying before this post, but I am ashamed of my community. There is still too many people who attack us from the outside we need to stand together, no more in-fighting. I hope your representive gets un-blocked soon, she don’t deserve that. Remember you do have supporters out there, their voices may not be the loudest but if you listen they are there.

  2. Zoe Lomas says:

    I’m not an author, I do know you however and know that what you have in mind was never about you scamming anyone! I have judged in other Lesfic awards and have always felt that the winners in those competitions never seemed to have anything to do with how I personally judged the books. Often it seems like there is a definite slant to who wins in these competitions and it’s not about the quality of writing. Having a triple blind judging would eliminate this as much as possible. Ok so maybe there are issues if say a book that is entered is part of a series and for a judge easily recognisable, but without banning anyone from submitting books that are in a series you are doing the best you can to make them anonymous. Those that are pre-judging a contest that has not even run yet should maybe just sit back and see what happens and stop acting like the contest is directly affecting them. In fact, how many of those commenting are actually authors? I never recognised the majority of the names as authors from previous events I have been a judge for….. maybe when they start putting themselves out there like you are they will see how the accusations they have made against you are ungrounded and damaging. I hope that you do push on with you award dreams and that it becomes as successful as possible. It’s time that other lesfic authors had a chance of being recognised for their works and not just those that are deemed to be the ‘in crowd’ .

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