Being A Girl: A Brief Personal History of Violence

The Belle Jar

1.

I am six. My babysitter’s son, who is five but a whole head taller than me, likes to show me his penis. He does it when his mother isn’t looking. One time when I tell him not to, he holds me down and puts penis on my arm. I bite his shoulder, hard. He starts crying, pulls up his pants and runs upstairs to tell his mother that I bit him. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about the penis part, so they all just think I bit him for no reason.

I get in trouble first at the babysitter’s house, then later at home.

The next time the babysitter’s son tries to show me his penis, I don’t fight back because I don’t want to get in trouble.

One day I tell the babysitter what her son does, she tells me that he’s just a little boy, he doesn’t know…

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I lost my READING SKILLS

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I’ve lost my reading skills.  You might say WHAT?  How is that possible?  You’ve written how MANY books and published HOW MANY books and you’ve lost said skills?  Well, I have a theory…

I write because I enjoy it, my creative mind takes over and I can write, and write, and write.  Yes, I re-read it to check for story line errors, add things, tweak things, and to keep within the story itself…but I don’t READ to ENJOY it.10401992_10153118816006291_3651151688037072011_n

I READ my authors books, which I DO enjoy or I wouldn’t be publishing them…in fact, I have a confession, I’ve gone back to reread their stories from time to time because, I have my favorites…shhhh.

However, I realized after all the hard work of writing and publishing, I haven’t just read for MY enjoyment in a LONG time.  I lost my reading skills.2277838

I have a lot of author friends, some of who have been kind enough to send me copies of their books (thank you by the way, it IS appreciated).  freeHowever, I don’t think I’ve had the TIME to read them because I do work, and work HARD at my own stuff.

My girlfriend is an author and a lovely woman (she paid me to say that, NOT).  I took a wee bit TOO long to read her first offering to the public.  I was BUSY.  It caused hurt feelings, and, each time I was asked, I felt a stubborn resistance to even FIND the time.  Believe me, I FOUND the TIME.

That’s just it…TIME.  262a008a1093ae08fb758bbb904e8053Apparently, I do a lot of work that people aren’t aware of.  They SEE me on social media ‘playing’ and don’t realize I’m posting in groups (thanks for Facebook Jail BTW), promoting, chatting with authors and sometimes even socializing with friends.  Sometimes it’s just up in the background so people can get a hold of me if they need to.  They just see me ON there ALL the time and assume…well, stop doing THAT.

I actually do read, A LOT!  I really enjoy doing research, watching biographies, documentaries, and movies on a subject…but that is ‘work.’  Fortunately, I enjoy my work.76bef9f0c38dd2bb2778c2ebd4faff13--hate-cats-reading-library

Yesterday, after finishing up one of my author’s books, formatting it, and sending it off to the beta readers, I read for FOUR glorious hours from one of ‘the other’ authors that I have collected for thirty years.  r2-1-e1466127938360 She died two years ago, but her stories will live on gloriously.  The really cool thing about it, although I’ve read her books numerous times, I didn’t remember everything so it was like reading it for the FIRST time, and yet, not.  Her books have a familiar feel and the stories are just marvelous.  When I grow up, I want to be just like her…images

So, I realized…I haven’t been reading just for PLEASURE in a LONG time and I need these little breaks…they help inspire me, make me work so that I can get back to my GUILTY PLEASURES (stop, you dirty minded readers, you), which has always been, READING.images (1)  Fortunately, I have many bookshelves full of potential targets that have nothing to do with my ‘work,’ but have everything to do with reading…reading-meme

I’ll let you know if I find my reading skills…I know I left them around here SOMEWHERE….Rainbow Feather www.kannemeinel.com READ

Luggage

Thirty odd years ago (yeah, I can’t believe I can say that either) my mother bought me a luggage set as a birthday/graduation/xmas present.  It was pretty expensive then (especially for my mom) and I have to say I have gotten a lot of use out of it.  For roughly $100-$150 I got a complete Samsonite set.

20170702_203051_Burst01.jpgAnd, after 30 some years of traveling (I lived out of them for a couple of years) they really have stood the test of time.

What happened to the days where you bought something and knew it would last?  Remember the days where Samsonite had those commercials where chimpanzee’s, monkey’s, and apes threw the cases around?  They really did/do last.  Okay, it was American Tourister (do they still exist?) but, you get my drift…

I’m sad to say that other cases I’ve added have never lasted as long.  This set, pictured above is still going fairly strong.  I have one or two pieces I never use anymore (makeup case) and I’ve learned to downsize, but the same basic three pieces are still alive.  I’ve lost the pull strap for the big one which still has working wheels, you can see wear and tear on the edges, and today I found a hole through one of them as I pack for the GCLS con in Chicago.  Still, quality LASTS.  So does a GOOD story.  It stick’s with you for a LONG time, even after the book has become frayed and worn away.

We are living in a time where people dispose of their possessions far too easily.  A book, a story that sticks with you, makes you want to read over and over again, is priceless.  So take a moment and think over those you have enjoyed.  Check out mine if you haven’t, and if you have, please leave a review….you never know who you might influence and they can have the same enjoyment of the story that you had.

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If you are at GCLS this next week, please say hello to me.  If I look a bit confused it’s because I have the memory of a goldfish and while your name might ring a bell, the bell’s clapper may have been muffled…Facebook friends and others have a tendency to make me look as though I don’t remember anyone, but I do, and I have a long memory for the oddest things…so take a chance and give me a hug (I really don’t bite (despite the fangs)…hard), talk to me, and ask me for a lesbian membership card!  Lol!   Who knows when/where we will meet again!  See you all there!

Sew, so what?

Did you know I can sew?  Yeah, not one of my better accomplishments but in a pinch I can do it.  My father, a misogynist and sexist boor gave me a sewing kit similar to this one master-SMR010 for my graduation from high school gift…and, I think because it was free on his credit card statement (remember when they used to do that to entice you to spend MORE money) and also, because it didn’t arrive in time to give it to my SISTER for Xmas.  My sister is definitely more domesticated than I.  Mine is beige and has lots more room for spools of thread on it than the one shown here.  I’ve rarely had to replace any of those spools that came with it, because there was so much!  And, although it really was one of those HUH moments of why someone would give you such a thing, I have kept it for the last 30 plus years.  Used it, and slowly added to it.  Grandma, a champion sewer, had a beautiful sewing basket that I have kept out of nostalgia and I added her shears and some of the other things from it to mine, after all, needles and safety pins never fade away in their apparent value.

Today I had to sew up a few things in preparation for the conference and resultant travel.  How is it everything needs repairing all at once?  Well, I procrastinate until I have no choice and do it all at once.  I’m pretty good, I have to say, despite never having made my own clothes and only repairs over the years.  My sister-in-law made her wedding dress, which was absolutely gorgeous as well some horrible maids dresses (I know, I had to wear one).

I only got two-three pin pricks, because, apparently I can’t see as well as I once did.  I use a thingy I have no idea what it is called, that helps me thread the needle, if I can see the eye of the needle to stick it through.  Okay, I’ll admit, I want to know what this thingy is called now…it has a narrow metal crossed band that you put the thread in and pull it through the needle, effectively threading the needle.  Anyone know what it’s official name is?

Funniest darn thing happened though, I sewed a button on a shirt, on the INSIDE accidentally, and tight too.  Trying to get that thing back off was frustrating, but I had done a good job.  I laughed at that one, but now it’s all sewed on good and tight, and on the correct side.

So, as my skills at domesticity surprise you all (me too) and my eyesight fails, I want to remind you to READ while you CAN and while you are at it…check out my books at:

Rainbow Feather www.kannemeinel.com READ

It’s off to Chicago I go for GCLS!

Has it really been a YEAR since Washington DC and GCLS?  Where has the time gone?  REALLY?  I traveled a lot since then, bought a few new computers, got a new SUV, wrote a few books (you didn’t miss THAT did you?) and here we are again!  Another event.  This year it’s in Chicago which is cool because it’s only 5 hour (depending on traffic) or so from the Northwoods where I hole up in my cave *depending on if I’m writing.  This hermit is coming out of the cave for this event.  Be sure to stop by the Shadoe Publishing booth as seen here from last year.20160707_124440

You couldn’t possibly miss my red hat could you?IMG_0202

Ask me for a Lesbian Membership card!  I laminated a few too for you die-hards who need a card!  lol!

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Oh, and I’m bringing PLENTY of books too, got the first loads in the back of my new SUV:

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Yeah, those are HEAVY…I will have to either get a bigger SUV or a trailer soon!

C'mon Folks.

All joking aside, Shadoe Publishing has two booths this year as always and we would LOVE to see you.  I’ll be on a panel with some very nice authors on Thursday, and, of course around for the author signings…or, if you can’t be there for that, buy a book and hunt me down with my red fedora or my light up shoes!

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Because, well, as you know, I don’t like to draw attention to myself, bahahahahahah!

C’mon, you know you want to give me a hug, get a picture, and I want to see you all there too!  Don’t be shy!  I don’t bite…hard.  BTW, if you post a picture of me and you on Facebook from the conference, I want you to tag me!  I’ll even consider GIVING you a book for doing that!

See you there!

K’Anne!

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