When ‘Good Friends’ go ‘Bad’

A few years ago I was attracted to someone here on Facebook.  She was pretty, intelligent, and a go-getter….or so I thought.  When we first started speaking about 2-3 years ago she let me know that I was too negative for us to have a relationship.  As a result of many conversations including skype with this woman I changed my approach and ‘negativity’ towards what we would speak about.  She actually taught me to always have an alternative idea to anything she suggested that I ‘shot down.’  I took her ‘criticisms’ and turned it into a positive thing.  I did not have hopes of dating her anymore, I’d moved on.  I became a good friend.  I put her links up on my blog, my website(s) (both of them) and in consideration for anyone who signed up for her motivational courses I would receive a ‘commission’ for the referral from my sites.  I never received a commission and when I asked about that she had ‘no knowledge’ about any such referrals and didn’t even ‘know’ (when I had asked her in the first place for the links to the referral program which SHE GAVE me) that I had put up on my site(s).

Okay, my bad.  I got ‘took.’  For my knowledge, my ‘expertise’ in business (after all I ran companies for 25 years), and for me being a ‘friend’ to this person.  It happens.  It’s Facebook.  But I had been her friend outside of Facebook too and I was a little hurt.

A while later she approached me about writing a book for her motivational programs.  She first wanted me to write about a woman who ‘succeeded’ because she had taken this persons courses.  I wrote a few pages but she edited them to death as it wasn’t the story she wished to tell.  I gave up soon after that one and suggested she write it herself.  During THIS discussion she felt I should change the name of my company as she didn’t ‘understand’ the name of Shadoe for the publishing company and felt her lofty and monied ‘friends’ wouldn’t understand it and think it was a typo.  I explained what it meant and that I was NOT changing my company name JUST for her.

Meanwhile, I had asked her during the course of our friendly conversations, again through skype, phone, and inboxes on Facebook, to help me edit a novella.  She wanted to go over the book line by line and consider each and every nuance of it.  We got through maybe five or six pages before my frustration had us stopping the exercise.  Then she decided she wanted to be paid $1000 for editing a 30 page novella.  I ended that discussion too.

Then she tried a new tactic.  She wanted me to put into each and every book I sold a link to her programs of motivational speaking.  I listened to each and every one of her ‘tapes’ on the internet and found them BORING and not worth the monies she supposedly gets for them.  I turned the tables on her and asked how much she was willing to pay to do that, I meant put them in my books, and she quickly backed off.  I think she believed I was clueless about how she wanted something for nothing.

Next she decided we should have a get-a-way where she would charge people $1000-$2000 and go to a resort, somewhere warm in February.  In exchange these people would get me and a couple of other authors to meet in person and she would talk with them about her agenda.  She was certain we would make $20,000 each.  I had to point out to her that several of her destination choices were NOT GLBT friendly and we could all be arrested for even going to them as Lesbians!  Again, that pesky negativity coming through. When it came down to it though it was just another one of her money making schemes and nothing came to fruitation of it

A while later we had again started chatting and she was telling me how she had made so much money for people who took her courses (a familiar theme) and she knew so many people willing to invest in GLBT programs and ideas.  I put her in contact with a friend of mine who wished to make a GLBT movie since I knew she NEEDED funds to make it happen.  She not only got in contact with my friend, she tried to take it over.  She got the other friend to change the name of the movie.  She wouldn’t skype with the friend and it ended up costing the friend over $70 in phone charges!  Then she had the audacity to try and charge the friend for her ‘consulting.’  She also then had the audacity to ask to be named ‘Producer’ on the film.  The friend has written the book, written the screenplay, done all the steps to get this movie made and this person should step in at the last minute and try all these tactics to make it ‘hers?’  I didn’t of course find out about this for many months and nearly lost a friend because of this.

Now I am not clueless and this all happened over many, many, months.  Some of it I found out later.  After this last incident though I had to question WHY I would even put up with this person as a friend as any of you reading this would too.  I limited my interactions with her.  I researched her background only to find out some of what she had told me about her was a bit ‘off’ shall we say, a questionable background of distorted facts.

I found her behaviors, after years of observance to be self-motivated.  What could I do FOR her?

She has always been one of those on Facebook who tags you for every little thing she puts on her timeline that has her ‘selling’ one of her agendas.  I removed myself time and again.  Recently she started going into lesbian fiction groups and posting for people’s opinions on her covers to her supposed book that she is writing…again the motivational BS with a new idea.

While I applaud her dedication to her agenda, it is an agenda.  If she, as she claims has motivated over 2,000,000 to join a group on Facebook…then why doesn’t her ‘program’ support her?  Why does she move every couple of months for various reasons from homophobia, to supposed abuse, to supposed observance of a crime?  There is always a reason.  There is always another move.  IF her ‘program’ was successful like she says then she would make the money and not need to ride on someone else’s coat-tails.

Recently I removed her from my Lesbian Fiction group because she kept posting the same boring covers for opinions.  Spamming as it were.  We got complaints.  We also got inboxed by other admins of other Lesbian Fiction groups that complained about the same thing and warned us.

I had chosen since the incident with the film to ‘ignore’ her on Facebook but her behaviors had increased.  Today she tried another tactic, the same old bull with a new face, AGAIN (I have removed HER name for the sake of anonymity here):

HER

If you had tons of funding to make a difference for LGBT community and for yourself, what would you do? I have a dream to raise $1,000,000,000 for LGBT facebook group admins, activists, creative artists and charities through my free LGBT-friendly affiliate program. Want more info?

1:06pm

K’Anne Meinel

No thank you

1:07pm

HER

ok.

HER

Can I ask why?

1:07pm

K’Anne Meinel

I’d also like it if you would stop tagging me on your posts

HER

1:08pm

ok.

1:09pm

K’Anne Meinel

And no you may not ask why

HER

1:10pm

Unsmiling Emoticon Image

1:29pm

K’Anne Meinel

So you unfriended me over this, that’s a bit petty

I’ve supported you for years, helped you even, this is the ‘thanks’ you give people like that

s m h

1:31pm

K’Anne Meinel

 

Not ONCE in the YEARS I have known you have you shown any support. Posting about my books, or even READING them. It’s all been about NAME WITHELD and what everyone else can do for you to make your dreams come true. You come across as wanting to help others but it’s all about you making money. How sad is that?

 

After this she blocked me on Facebook, whew, close call right, lol.  She is now inboxing others to ‘gather her posse’ of course and see that she did nothing wrong.  What she did wrong was USE me and others.  She used our contacts to make more contacts to use them too.

Well, that’s the end of this but I hope those of you who ‘spot’ who this is are warned.  Those of you who will hear her ‘boo hoo’ story that a lesfic author ‘turned’ on her have both sides, and those of you who think this is just MORE lesbian drama like it IS, can shrug it off as I intend to do so.

In my defense, yes I was interested in her.  Yes, I let her know.  She turned me down.  I got that but still managed to remain friends, or so I thought.  That was YEARS ago and I got over it.  I would never be vindictive about my interest in her and getting turned down.  I guess as a few real friends have told me, I’m just too nice.  I refuse to allow her to get away with this without my side being told.  I have not named her here but if you choose to inbox me I will discuss it.  I felt publically shaming her served no purpose and while I do not believe in her ‘programs’ or agenda, I refuse to be vilified over this.  I wish her well.

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